Floating On.

For one reason or another, there seems to be no discontent in the current state of my apathy regarding what's left of my college career.

Every so often, there comes the feeling of inadequacy that destroys a lot of the reverie we should perhaps hold on to for as long as we can. I suppose that feeling doesn't last forever, yet we try so hard to get rid of dreams and anything that may lead to disappointment.

All of life is trial and error. I tried liking piano, but couldn't do it. I tried working for a fashion magazine, and ended up hating it. I tried being someone I was not, and it failed miserably.

The question is always, how hard we are trying and how easily we are giving up. When I think about the intricate struggles of life, I often wonder why I spend my time overwhelmed by such meaningless things. Somehow, doesn't God take care of you? Even if that "bad" thing happens, you eventually learn to accept it and move on. You're still alive, and for a reason.

These days, selfishly, I've looked at the past several months of my life and found that I have finally accepted the past events in my life with a sigh of relief. Things can only get better. But I think about how I am not there to see all the dirt.

Soon, it will already be nine months since the start to a series of tragic events in not only my life, but those who were affected by it, and am absolutely certain that some of us have not accepted it the way I have. Just because you are fine, doesn't mean others are fine. It always amazes me how individual individuals are. We all handle and experience and see things in such different ways, that I find myself stunned at the level of complexity in which humans have been designed by Noneother. Then how is it, that we have found other uniquely designed individuals to help ease our pain? Is it not, then, understandable why relationships fail? Is that not why people feel like they cannot carry the weight by themselves, feel like they need to carry it themselves, and do something as unfortunate as taking their own lives?

This is not about doubt and grim reality. It is about hope. I am not afraid of disappointment. I often find that it is better to be hopeful than to lay low, complacent, and settled. Trial and error, right? We'll do fine. We'll all float on, alright.

Rash Passion.

I'm on a writing high. Let me be.

All day, I've been reading and writing and listening to music with the windows open in my room. My bed is like clean haven today. What is this odd feeling? Suddenly carefree about the stupidity that is "grades" and more urgently, the significance of post-grad life.

Location, location, location.

I had an epiphany during my spring break. It had to do with a few key words and a cringe-worthy discussion. It happened over Denver Diner chili cheese fries (green chili, with no cheese. I'm looking back and I wish we got coffee instead). The key words: New York City, Denver, and Portland.

Someone new I briefly met during my short stay was planning on visiting Portland. My host also had an epiphany during the great hours at the 303 office (and trust me, a lot of random thoughts happen in that hell hole). JOBS. Let me clarify: a job, one in Portland. Don't get mad at me, but I would like to think that this new character I met has planted seeds in particular people's minds.
"Do you love cinnamon rolls and inter-office trivia?" my host repeated, reading the job description. "THAT'S ME!"

Said-host, after six years of dreaming his dream of the dream city of New York, capital of the United States, suddenly wants to live in Portland with a fervent, hot, rash passion. Isn't all passion rash? Yeah. It is.

I couldn't stop staring at his face. Partly confused, mostly in disbelief.

So, does rationality matter at all? He used to say he'd work for quarters to live in NY. Now he has to stay in Denver for at least a year in order to achieve something like Portland for his future. Three key words. More like destinations.

"I mean, I've always loved watching Portlandia..." he tried to explain, as I gave him a blank stare.

PORTLANDIA?! I thought in my head. Maybe I'm making it sound more stupid than it really is. I watched You've Got Mail and wanted to live in New York. At least my cinematic inspiration is charming!

"We're too young to be comfortable," I recall him saying multiple times over the summer. Phrases such as "live fast, die young" have such ironical meanings. If we all lived fast and died young, we would have gone to NY living off of quarters and being miserable. Is living fast worth dying young? Good thing he visited before he made the move because now his heart is in Portland.

I'm wondering now, if location even matters. I can barely remember what in life matters. What are we living for? Before I start thinking existential thoughts, let me just say, location does not matter.

I am having second thoughts.

Goodness.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12.

Learning to let others into my life.

One More Time.

My final day began soaking the sunlight in my favorite part of downtown: Larimer Square. It's this entirely different world of downtown. Classier, pricier, and full of snobby Denverites. If you're a student like us, they probably don't care that you're taking up the space on the edge of the sidewalk. 

Inside The Market.

Met up with Jihee and went to Cherry Creek! Good seeing her.

DIY. ha.

DAM in the distance!

On our way to Cuba Cuba for my last dinner.

 Adorable place.

With appropriately hyped up pineapple mojitos.

Beginning to get annoyed at our hostess for LYING to us about the wait.

New friend suggesting what to order: "...with garlic and onions...."

Frantically, I finished packing and Jihee was kind enough to take us to the airport. It was short, but glad I saw her again. It's so weird to come to such a familiar place where my friend's friends become my friends. You begin to realize what's mine is yours. Until one day, inevitably, you see that not everything can be shared. This was, I believe, my last visit to Denver. Who knows when Steef and I will see each other again. It was our shortest interval (two months), certainly unexpected (as was NYC), and who knows? Maybe we were just meant to be on different sides of the country. 

Where ever it is, I don't think it matters.

Days Three And Four.

Well, well, well. If it isn't us, matching outfits in public without being mistaken as twins.

At one in the afternoon, we decided to enjoy the sun and begin the warm day sipping on overly priced drinks.

Trying to make these AA ads appear not so ironic.

The coolest part of the day was being able to go to happy hour at Linger, a former mortuary with interesting eats. We were lucky enough to not sit in the bar, but on the rooftop overseeing all of downtown. I can't remember what we did for the rest of the night. It was a blur.

But the following day was Pi Day and Aggie picked me up while Stephen was at 303. We ate lunch at a Chinese hole-in-the-wall known for their soup dumplings. Nothing compared to NYC's Chinatown, but Denverites learn to settle. Afterwards, we went to Wednesdays Pie in honor of the day.

My timing is in Fortune's favor, so here we went to yet another Elite event at Pi Kitchen and Bar. This event was awesome, but we only stayed for 30 minutes to meet Matty M afterwards. 

Terribly sad that I didn't see my Yelp friend Cliff T :( But they gave us these awesome gift "frisbees"! Too bad I couldn't stay to use them.

But the party was well worth leaving early to see Matthew again. Absolutely lovely! Eating City O' City apricot pizza.

Always makes us laugh, that Matthew Marchetti.

Modeling for Marciano.

Denver Diner <3

Something made me hysterical.

Maybe this?

Me vs You.

 On the way to Paris on the Platte for morning coffee.

 Mellow Mushroom.

Mophead.

Wall of Soda. 

 Sunbathing.

 Bridge behind the skyline.

 On the way to Lola's for the intern dinner.

 Tea on the house, thanks to Nate's great memory.

Our favorite Leela's for ironic escapism.

So This Is It.

 They say third time's the charm.  I disagree.

Maybe because I'm a cranky traveler (the only time I really get cranky), but this traveling experience was just purely annoying. Talk about an unwelcome back to the Mile High! In a rush to get to the airport, I didn't bring a lot of things. Including five days worth of clothing and my contact case. This is unlike me. I spent an unnecessary amount of traveling today to get downtown, so I was UNrewarded by Paramount. I don't know why we came here because I never liked Paramount, but that is how I began my third trip to Denver. With drinks that make you too full and catching up, Steph and I haven't talked for months. "Catching up" is a new concept to us. Well, things change. Including us as individuals and not as pairs. That is the lesson of the day. Oh, and that Hot Box Studios (our humble abode) doesn't just suck in the summer time, it sucks all year long. Here's to a better Monday!