Saturday, May 29, 2010


I recently read this spiel on a new Korean drama coming out [that came out?] called "Personal Preference." I don't have much interest in Korean pop culture, or pop culture in general but it caught my eye.
Plot: the protagonist fakes his homosexuality to move in with a girl he likes. Something like that.

Well, they're called Faux-mo's.

Now tell me, how in the WORLD is that supposed to help the dude in any way?
I can tell you one thing: once a guy is deemed "too sensitive," "too girly," or [dun dun dun...] GAY, she'll never change her mind about their non-existent romantic life (unless she's always had a thing for him).

My best friend came out to me seven months ago.
Yup. After hating his guts and belittling his existence for three years, and being his best friend for four additional years, I didn't know he was gay.
It's not that I couldn't see he was girly or liked cherry chapstick (even I don't like cherry chapstick), it's that he was my best friend and I believed him when he said he wasn't.

So it makes me wonder if platonic friendships really work out. I mean, best platonic friendships. When you say the opposite sex is your best friend, you're either more than that, or one of you is homo. Right...? I used to think otherwise, but this convinced me. If both of you are straight, then one or the other must have some kind of subconscious "what if" stage. After all, you guys know everything about each other and love each other despite all the flaws.

No wonder he was like my personal therapist. No straight guy would listen to me yap about another boy for three hours on the phone!

I can't go into detail about how I felt about all this for the past seven months. All I can say is that it's been a tough, tiring, and treacherous journey that I don't think we can do alone. His problems have become my problems, and no matter how many times we go to God for help, it's like a never ending question mark at every possible situation and circumstance.

So sorry to say, but if I lived with a Faux-mo, and we shared little gay-best-friend moments, he'd forever be gay to me.
Besides, how would Asian parents react to this kind of blasphemy? There is no such thing as gay, and boys definitely cannot be housemates with girls.

I'm aware that it's just another entertaining and silly romantic comedy featuring straight, attractive Korean men. Thus, I can't be surprised when the heroine forgives him in the end and happily goes past all the awkward moments of pure, platonic, BFFness, to a romance that lasts a lifetime. I bet all girls wouldn't even mind if they were the lucky roommate who got to live with the hot gay guy.

Calm down Korean viewers, the fictional character isn't actually gay-- it's just fauxmosexuality for entertainment value.

Look At Me.

I had a discussion about physical appearance with a friend tonight and I have some things to mention to you all.

-I think butts are kinda gross.
-I think veiny arms CAN be hot (ie. strumming a guitar perhaps?!)
-Longer legs are better than longer torsos.
-If I was a guy, I would be a leg person. I think.
-Guys with a nice side profile = jjang (haha).
-An overly defined jawline can be...too much. Like Kenny Choi. But I still like him.
-Flabby arms on girls are one thing, but flabby arms on guys?
-I'd kill for high cheekbones. Or cheekbones in general...
-The first thing I notice about a girl are her legs. Because of my faulty legs. I'm just a leg person.
-Girls should not leave the house without doing their eyebrows. I learned this one from Katy Perry believe it or not.
-I only know one girl who looks better with double-eyelid surgery. The rest looked better without it. Small eyes are so cute!!!
-Guys with small eyes = cute.
-Guys with dimples are cute.
-Good posture = good for everyone, including shoulders (which I need to work on).
-Apparently, bangs straight across the forehead are not for everyone. Guys will say it's for no one.
-Straight hair is sooooo out.
-Guys who do their hair all the time and then don't do it, look cute when they don't do it. So I guess it's a once in a while kind of deal.
-I never notice noses. Unless you have the Owen Wilson thing going on. And sometimes I forgive big noses (Wonbin).
-The symmetical-face theory is a lie. There is one particular face shape that I found every girl who has it, looks good.
-Long necks are a good thing.
-Nice nails can make ugly hands pretty (ie. me).
-Is it just me or do you feel uncomfortable looking at Taylor Lautner's face?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I Did It.

The reason behind my past pointless entries is because I've been having trouble collecting thoughts. I never run out of ideas, I just don't know how to make them interesting. Wilson suggests that I take a poll on what people think I should write about, or my opinions on certain things (weight of the outcome now relies on him). So if you do have suggestions, PLEASE! Leave a comment or something.
Then James suggested that I can create a Formspring and from there, find something interesting to blog about. No doubt that something will click in my brain upon answering certain questions.

So I did it. I made a Formspring. I'll leave it up for a month and see how it goes.

On the right side, I have linked certain blogs and a couple of my own 'other' sites for your convenience and for your boredom. You should really check them out.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I'm not really into Korean celebrities (or celebrities in general) but I've always had a thing for him.
Wonbin's getting old and forgotten, but so am I! He has 12 years on me, but we'll grow old together.
We'll be like Dolores Haze and Humbert Humbert, decoy twin beds and all.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Which Wong-Fu Are You?

I've never really been into Wong Fu videos until recently (when I realized how cute Wes is). I've observed their acting, their personalities outside of acting, outside of directing and editing and writing, and I've come up with a conclusion: Wong Fu represents the three exceptional California Asian males (versus the majority: the dumbasses, jerks, and pre-mature boys. Approx. 85% of California).

Wesley Chan, Ted Fu, and Philip Wang

Shy, quiet, a bit awkward, says weird things, but generally a well-liked and cute fellow (cute dimples). There's no reason to dislike him because he never puts himself out there for criticism. From their videos, he'd be the Nice Guy. Probably does all the behind-the-scenes work and gets little recognition. The backbone of Wong Fu.

The hopeless romantic and the most reserved member who all 14 year old Asian girls love for being such a romantic guy. He always thinks before he speaks, and therefore has a lot of wit. The brilliant writer who creates the majority of the scripts; all the "aww ~" moments were probably written by Wes. The mastermind of Wong Fu.

Well-spoken, quick on his feet, bright, charming, and the most extroverted of the three. If he was a Buffalo Wild Wings flavor, he would definitely be the Asian Zing. Often times mistaken to be the most active member who holds all the creativity, directing, and labor in the production. The face of Wong Fu.

I say they represent California guys because over the two years of college in the East, particularly in a private school where there are a variety of out-of-states (and of course, the New Yorkers), I've quietly observed them. They are indeed different from the West.
As Californians, I think Wong Fu is a bit more "laid back" in their characteristics and not as uptight with everything. California males are definitely ten times more sensitive and sentimental than East Coast guys, I'll give you that (which is where you see Wong Fu's love for romance come into play).

Here is my analysis of Wong Fu:
I don't like how Ted is too quiet. If I knew him in real life, he would definitely be friend-zoned. He'd be a cute friend to have, but that's it. Maybe because I'm quiet too, but I don't like guys who are shy. So actually, it's not that he would be friend-zoned, it's more like we wouldn't even click because two quiets = disaster.
I could definitely see myself liking someone like Phil for being so confident and well-spoken. Phil's personality isn't outlandish or anything, and on a 1-10 scale of introversion to extroversion, he'd be a 7. If Wes wasn't a writer, I might like Phil. However, I think the most compatible of the three with me is Wes because I feel like we might think alike. 14 year old girls, please back away.
Then again, I'm not too sure if commonality even matters to me anymore. Sometimes I think it can be destructive to be similar because if we do happen to disagree on something, it wouldn't be pleasant.
If two opposing personalities somehow work with each other, then they are complimentary.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Live Fast, Die Young.

I usually get sick before/after winter break...some kind of shock that happens when it gets cold in Syracuse. But it's May and my voice is gone. My throat started hurting on my last night at school and now I have a combination of runny/stuffy nose/a lost voice/coughs.

Nevertheless, I went on a job hunting spree today. It felt good to be productive. Two online applications submitted, two paper applications that need to be handed in, 11 phone calls, and only one hiring. So on a whim, I went and I think I got secretly interviewed while waiting for my application.
BCBGMAXZARIZA....I think you love me and I may just love you back.

I was originally sporting my blue cotton dress with a green cardigan (not showered, so hair greasy...yummy), but after roaming around H&M for a while, I found a lovely black and white floral dress that fits like a slip dress. I bought it, changed into it, and went to get an application at BCBG. Thank God I decided to change because I don't think they would have taken me seriously if I had worn my blue dress (that looks like a nightie for 7 year olds).

Can't tell if my husky, deep voice lured the manager or not, but I'll be turning in my app tomorrow.

I decided to DGAF this summer. I have nothing to lose, except some precious money, but I might as well live fast and die young.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Conservative Feminine Taboos.

It was difficult for me to start wearing makeup because I had three taboos ingrained in my mind:
1. Makeup = trashy
2. Boys will not like me
3. Will age faster and have bad skin

Annie and!!! (circa 2007)

Even though I was exposed to makeup at a young age because of my sister (who is six years my senior and takes great interest in hair/makeup), I couldn't get myself to do it without feeling embarrassed. I'm 20 and I still feel embarrassed sometimes. Usually because I feel overtly put together, while the rest just showered, got dressed, and left.
I didn't start wearing makeup until the end of senior year. Just mascara. It increased now to: liquid eyeliner, mascara, and filling in my eyebrows. I don't wear foundation/powder (as it is evident).
-Makeup can be trashy, especially with Asian girls and their love for a block of eyeliner to make their eyes bigger, but I think I literally just line my eyes.
-I THINK a boy has liked me during my time of makeup-wearing (?)
-True, aging and bad skin is an effect from makeup, but will this stop the rest of the world of women from putting their faces on in the morning?

I wear the makeup that I do to enhance what I wear, which has become fairly influential to me over time.

My take on makeup is kind of like the high-heel phenomenon. I don't like wearing heels (on casual occasions) because I feel stupid. Why do high school girls wear heels to class? They just look stupid. Over the past winter break, I bought these chestnut colored boots that I have been wanting for a long time and they have a 1.5 inch heel. Even in those, I feel self-conscious. I guess it's the idea that I don't need to wear heels, but I'm wearing them anyway. Extra accessory.

Speaking of accessories, I also went through an overaccessorizing-phobia. I felt like I shouldn't wear too many accessories at once (now I over accessorize like there's no tomorrow). For example, I was mentally unable to wear earrings AND a necklace, I couldn't wear a bracelet and a ring at the same time, etc. My mom would just say it was too much.

Along with that, it took me a long time to start wearing "spaghetti straps" without a cardigan or something to cover my bare shoulders. I'm gonna say up until senior year of high school. I just felt so naked not wearing anything over something like that.
Now I go to church taking pictures with boys wearing nothing but a flower in my hair.

Thing is, my mom doesn't even check up on her own rules. Actually, I don't even think they're rules. They're like hands-off rules. It's just there so that we know it's there. She sets up these standards so we know our boundaries. I consciously know when too much is too much, so I've learned self-control, all the while being able to do what I want to do.
My sister was the complete opposite of me. She wore makeup early, spent unnecessary amounts of money on accessories, and wore heels in the 8th grade. Yeah my mom disapproved of it, but she didn't do anything to stop us. That's why my hair color changes four times in one year or that's why I freely wear stockings with rippings to church (and got criticized all day last Sunday by adults).

Why are young girls overwhelmingly imposed with so many restrictions? I'm sure there are many cases unlike the one I was able to experience. I'm sure there are girls who simply rebel and don't know when enough is enough.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

DIY: How To Indirectly Reject A Guy.

It took me a long time to start talking to the opposite sex. I thought guys were diseased and contagious up until high school. Not to mention, I was PAINFULLY shy. I don't think I'm shy now, I just think I'm quiet (take what you will).

I specifically remember my first failed attempt at making a guy friend in my freshman year of high school. He went to my school and my church, and he was two years older than me. He was friends with my brother, and all of my older friends at church, so it only made sense that we should be friends. Somehow, we started talking online and he suggested we should "get to know each other in person."

Don't you hate that? When you talk to a person online more than you do in real life? It creates a lot of space when it comes to meeting face-to-face.

So I went to church early on a Friday night because my brother had praise practice, and this potential guy friend of mine came early too....just so he could get to know me better.
I didn't know what the meaning of the word "awkward" meant at the time but I'm 110% sure that I was awkward beyond all imagination. The only things that came out of my mouth were "yes" and "no", and I had no intentions of asking him any questions or telling him anything interesting about myself. I think I remember him nervously smiling the whole time and then eventually leaving the room because I couldn't carry the conversation.

A few years later, I realized he must have thought I hated him. I probably didn't laugh at his jokes, I didn't bother to get to know him or let him get to know me, and I put in no effort whatsoever in the conversation.
I learned that if you don't want guys to talk to you, simply don't laugh at his jokes. It kills him.

I didn't purposely try to push him away and turn him off, I just lacked social skills, and was especially intimidated by the older, opposite sex. After all, by my freshman year of high school, I can say that I had no older guy friends, only younger. Younger guys are (still) so much easier to talk to for me. By sophomore year, it wasn't that I was shy in front of guys, it's that I didn't care about them. It's worse when you can't find a decent guy your age who's mature. I didn't have real guy friends until the end of junior year. I was a late bloomer, and maybe that's why I was so indifferent to having a relationship in high school.

Then again, I never want to completely shut a guy down, so I can't just NOT laugh at his jokes. I remember early in the school year, Kildong said something "not funny" which I thought was funny so I laughed and Peter told me that it's dangerous for me to do that HAHA. I really think you can tell if I don't think you're funny because I'm very bad at fake laughing. It's not that I'm hinting that we have a chance at being best of friends who laugh together all the time, but what can you do when a poor guy just wants to be liked! You can't be a bitch and not least do something.
That is, for me: look down with a tight smile and nod my head.
Sorry if I've done that to you, but I also don't think it's possible for a guy to be completely unfunny, so I'm sure I've genuinely laughed with you before.

There is hope for the lost!

PS. I think you should get a Dailybooth. If you insist on seeing my face on a daily basis and we're not on v-chat terms, create a Dailybooth and follow me! (My link has been on the right side for ages...)

Monday, May 17, 2010


50 memories of the 2009-2010 school year (no order):

  1. Attempt at watching meteor showers with Esther and Susan.
  2. My birthday.
  3. Tom asking what some guy's name is for me and wanting to kill Tom.
  4. The first snow with Peter early in the AM. I don't think he remembers.
  5. Being in Christal's video project.
  6. Esther kicking a cone downtown and hurting her toe.
  7. Stephen's Halloween weekend visit.
  8. Jenny's SG Barnabus banks.
  9. Youtubing for what seemed like hours with Christal, Cliff, and Zion.
  10. Spring break in Syracuse.
  11. Peter's Susan imitation.
  12. Saying goodbye to Esther Yang.
  13. Talk in Cliffy's room with Esther.
  14. Dreading astronomy labs.
  15. Watching Taken with J. Pio and sleeping before midnight.
  16. Simon's food after his cooking class.
  17. Eating fries drenched in tabasco sauce = high pitched sound from throat.
  18. Wilson teaching me how to play pool.
  19. My last day at Shaffer.
  20. Dinners at Angela's house.
  21. Dinner at Ruth's house.
  22. Yoojin's 21st birthday cake candle mishap.
  23. Haven trash digging.
  24. Unsuccessful Booth trash digging, cute green tea cans from Joy, preview of our room for next year, seeing Ian haha.
  25. Quality one-on-one talks.
  26. James house dinner and Christopher's.
  27. The weekend Est and I hung out 24/7 (turkey cranberry wrap, shopping, hair, watching Enough, spending the night).
  28. Susan's hyper moments.
  29. Room visitors.
  30. Gyming with Jessie.
  31. Three hour talks with Jessie at the tea house.
  32. First and last TGBL (lgbt) games.
  33. Breakfasts at Haven with Susan before it closed.
  34. First semester Friday lunches with Christal.
  35. Joy's Harry Potter accent.
  36. Bowling = not for me.
  37. Wednesday night three hour class with Pio.
  38. The three times Jpio and I ate with John haha.
  39. Leadership retreat = complete homesickness and longest three days of my life.
  40. Miike Snow.
  41. Biscotti's with Peter, Jenn, and Simon.
  42. GPS Chocopie video.
  43. NY state fair and meeting Switchfoot.
  44. Failed missions meetings with Keith once a week, but free dinners and drinks YAY.
  45. Pre-birthday surprise in small group.
  46. Thanksgiving in Virginia with sister.
  47. Seeing **** at Appethaizing during our trio dinner.
  48. Half snow day, exam post-poned.
  49. Daniel Choi lecture with Angela.
  50. Sushi and THB with ice cream- Jpio, Esther, Kildong, Zion.

Thanks to everyone in my life for making this another memorable school year.

Things I think you should know:
-I have limited internet access.
-May will be a slow month, friends do not come back until June.
-I left my notebook with a list of addresses at school....I'm so stupid.
-Time stamp on this blog is now changed back to Pacific time.

Friday, May 14, 2010

The End Is Here.

Funny thing is, when I bought my ticket in early April, I was dying to go home. Now that I'm here, I just wish I had those last few days at school to spend with friends. I can't even remember what I was looking forward to at home anymore.

The flight was miserable, like most flights from Syracuse to LAX.

It's been an amazing and horrible year, but I'm so glad I went through it now that I look back. Without those moments, I wouldn't have known what I have.
It's also been very emotional the past few days at school. People leaving, some forever, some just temporary. Either way, I never thought anyone could provoke such tears from my system.

I've had a lot of fun during my last few days of school, thanks to everyone in Haven.

I am so overdue with pictures. These aren't all, but the highlights of the past week:

...Simon buffing Eunice's nails................... I've only done it once myself. ONCE!!


Our last group dinner with Esther




The Esther/Nagle/Stephen dinner party













That girl's in my class.





Esther's last day :'(



We look like our own species....why do we look so small?!

Christal's last day
No picture with me.............................................

My last day....which was...yesterday

Last day in Haven with roommate.

Then to the airport..thanks for taking me!
Si-mon :'( Why do you look so tan here?

Wilson :'(
Why do we look so sad? Or maybe it's just me. Why do I look so sad? I look like I'm about to cry. (WHICH I didn't)

Susan. Who I will see again in the fall haha.

This would have been a ridiculously cute picture if I didn't do that weird thing with my head.

Chicago :)

Will write a legitimate entry later. Maybe.

Cheers to many unproductive days of summer and congratulations to all the rest!

Monday, May 10, 2010

Friday, May 7, 2010

Five Reasons Why The Class Of 2012 Will Survive.

There has always been some kind of misrepresentation or presumptions about the sophomores-- the class of 2012-- at KCS this year. We're not only marginalized to forever be the "forgotten class" or stuck for eternity in the "sophomore slump," but we also have a lot of negative connotations to our name. I'm here to defend my class.

photo courtesy of Sarah Han

First of all, let me tell all my non-KCS readers what this is all about.
The class of 2012 is made up of:
-a billion girls and, well, I can't really cut off someone's existence... but rounding up, I'll just say there are, on average, three guys.
-many separate groups with many different interests.
-approximately 85% of the introverts at our church. *Some of the individual members in our class actually count as two introverts.

I think we have a lot of...... quirky kids. I don't like the word "potential." It started in high school when my AP Latin teacher (yes, I took Latin) said it was degrading. It means you're not good enough, but maybe one day...

Each of us make up wonderful parts, and if we somehow find a way to combine our strange, weird, quirky, and sometimes normal talents and skills, I think we would make the ultimate class.

I most notably saw the degradation of my class during seniors' night. Perhaps you were wondering why we were MIA in this event, or majority of other events. None of us performed collectively as sophomores, and most of the thank-you's went out to the juniors and the freshmen. Don't get me wrong, I don't know what I'd do with my life without the juniors, and the freshmen this year are absolutely incredible people. They dominate us in many ways. Age aint nothing but a number (except when it comes to dating. See The First Cut with additional editing). Even though we're second years, we're still the underdogs. Talentless? That's not an excuse (proof: Zion Hwang and Jennifer Kang). I wouldn't call us hopeless. I would call us...soldiers. We're soldiering through our comfort zones, our jungle of tough times, and the skills we were(n't) born with. You will see our "potential" soon if you cannot see it already.

Five reasons why the class of 2012 will succeed:
  1. We may not be the most actively involved members of the church, but other than being lazy, we have great hearts to serve. And once we're in the race, we don't stop running.
  2. We have so many individualistic people that as soon as we are united, we create a mass of endless ideas. But...we have yet to become united. Coming soon.
  3. We can't help that our environment has shaped us into introverts. It has a negative connotation (even though they are merely stereotypes) but I think we're among the cooler of the population. Sometimes, we just need time to ourselves. Sometimes, we need time to think. So we are meaningful, and we are honest, and we are insightful.
  4. The three extroverts (I'm not sure if that's an exaggeration) push us and kind of keep us together like double-sided tape. Though I think part of the reason why we aren't completely stuck on each other might have to do with the lack of the male gender. I guess there's something about testosterone that likes to mingle with estrogen. The proportion of estrogen (our este-fests) is unequal with the amount of testosterone available. Guys are mediators. I can explain this but I'm not going to write another male/female phenomena entry right now.
  5. Today I experienced first hand an act of amazing consideratation and kindness from a fellow '12 member. We are caring, altruistic people, and the best part about it is that we come up from behind you and take you by surprise.

Take that!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Fret Just For You.

OMG wish I was there for the UCSD show :(
Kenny in the ears is so smooth. I LOVE how he talks so slow. His "hello" is so dreamy hehehe.

I spent all my time watching all the SD videos last night. Now I have an hour to write my paper!


Currently about to start my second paper on post-colonial theory. I came across a piece from Toni Morrison and here is a brilliant quote to encourage all you writers out there: "Writers are among the most sensitive, the most intellectually anarchic, most representative, most probing of artists. The ability of writers to imagine what is not the self, to familiarize the strange and mystify the familiar, is the test of their power."
From Playing in the Dark
So if you have papers to write, write with POWER!! c:

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Better Things Are Coming.

Hello beautiful friends.
Everyone is starting to talk about how fast the year has gone by and how bittersweet everything is. I still haven't really grasped that truth, but I have to accept it anyway because finals are happening, people are stepping out of my life, and my plane ticket has been purchased. I have no choice but to leave-- whether I do horribly on my exams, whether I forget to bid my farewells to people, or whether I lose a lot of money to store the little things I have in my room.

Hopes, dreams, plans for the following school year:
-get to know more freshmen/people FIRST semester
-look less more, perhaps
-be friendly and reach out
-stop hogging upperclassmen
-get involved
-get my job back (MAYBE), or a new one
-find a good study place and do all work on a desk and chair rather than my bed.
-upgrade wardrobe part II (less black for the winter. Possible?!)

So I just got back from getting owned in the face by an anthro exam I hardly studied for. Can't do anything about the past, so now I'm free! Minus three papers, and one exam and cumulative final next week. Boo.

Here are select Seniors' Night pictures.


Billy hahaha.

Cool picture John.


Awesome picture.

Very cute.

I hate these performance pictures because they all look the same at every event.

Haha my favorite performance!

No wait...this was my favorite performance.

Tom was working on this for at least half of the night.

The only tiny little picture of Christal! And the wonderful video shown at the wrong event haha...



:'( <3
HAHA this picture makes me uncomfortable.


My goal is to make him smile normally one day.

Wils :)

Our remake of sisters' night picture. Once again, I have no neck.


Cute c:

The photographer was a little shakey. Oh yeah, if you're wondering why I never use flash, it's because my camera sucks and I hate flash. Even though the quality is VERY BAD when I don't use it and looks grainy, I refuse to use flash with my camera.

Pepe :'(



Simon's shirt is definitely white.



Supposed to be sophomores only...


Photobucket was MY TURN with Cliff!!!

HAHA I don't think I have a normal picture with Cliff where I'm not about to burst out laughing.

So popular.
Dang who took this picture? It's the only picture that came out good.
Yes. I took it.

Boo <3

I never see him anymore. So sad..



Other Esther.

According to Simon and Eyang, I shouldn't be in this picture.